Tuesday, October 8, 2013

tick, tock.


Before I give an update on my condition and my life, I wanted to thank you. Thank you for your prayers, thank you for your worry, thank you for your calls/texts/messages, thank you for your heart (it is beautiful). Not only did I feel a sense of peace from the Holy Spirit throughout this ongoing recovery process, I felt a sense of peace from you, your wisdom, and your compassion, and your thoughts were nothing short of motivation throughout this experience.

Most of you know I had to leave (the best school in the world) Biola University abruptly at the beginning of this semester due to ongoing pain in my face where I was already aware of multiple cysts. My reason for leaving, was simply doctor's orders and doctor's advice. I was instructed to leave if I felt ongoing and persistent pain, and as much as I didn't want to admit the pain, it was real, and it was persistent, and so i left.

God knows EXACTLY what He's doing.

The day of surgery was definitely a new experience for me,  nervousness was present as most would expect, but the peace of the Holy Spirit was always prevalent, and it was a beautiful thing to experience.

To be quite honest, God had revealed Himself through travel plans and through personal interactions on the planes that I was on to fly back to Texas, but I was awaiting God to reveal Himself through the operation and recovery. The thought of knowing that Christ was in control seriously made me so excited.

and MAN did God deliver.

There were some things that didn't go as planned (although we didn't really know what planned meant) on surgery day.

1. The surgery was supposed to last 2 hours. 2 1/2 hours max. It lasted closer to 5-5 1/2 hours.
2. My doctor wasn't expecting the cysts to be infected, and they were very infected, recently he explained to me that it was "worse than he could have imagined going into the surgery".
3. The biggest cyst (that was in my right sinus cavity) looked pretty sizable on the CT scan, but after taking it out, it was the size of a peach, which is larger than the doctor was expecting.
4. After a recent visit with my doctor, he explained to me that he was pretty much set on the fact that the recovery time would be longer than a year (closer to two years), he just didn't want to explain that to me because he didn't want me to be frustrated, and he figured I would just find out for myself.

--all four of these things seem like they lead to a long, hard, and frustrating road to recovery. However, all four of these things made up to be one of the biggest blessings in my life.

God's timing is PERFECT

The first couple of days after surgery I was obviously frustrated. Frustrated with the fact that I wasn't at Biola anymore, frustrated with the idea of sitting on my butt all day every day for weeks, and I kept telling myself "there's more to life than this".

That is the most selfish statement I could ever say in this situation in my life, after God has blessed me immensely.

The MORE to my life is the gift of Salvation, the blessing of having a Bible handy, the ability to talk to Christ for however long I wanted freely, and the privilege of being able to use my pain as a testimony to the ultimate pain that Christ took for me.

When it all boils down, pain (physical/emotional/spiritual) is not an excuse. If anything, it's more of an opportunity, to tell people what Christ has brought you through. Hallelujah.

The reason I titled this blog "tick, tock" is because God's timing throughout this experience has been the most beautiful thing to experience.

God has used me to be present at the most important time in some people's lives here, whether that be praying for them, fellowshipping with them, or carrying their burden for them, it has been obvious and consistent, and I thank God for that.

God has used me as a vessel to share the Gospel to people that are battling addiction, and to see Christ breakthrough that addiction is better than anything in this world. Praise God for that.

God has used me to be joyful in my trial, as hard as it was to let that go, and as easy as it could have been to fall back into frustration, He always gave me reason to smile, and it's the Grace that only He can provide, and man does He provide in abundance.

To say the least, God used my story, not me, not you, we're all unworthy, He used the story and the plan that He had made to bring ultimate glory to Him and His Kingdom, and I wish I could put into words what that meant to be able to see it unfold firsthand, but I have been left speechless numerous times, it was more incredible than anything I can imagine.

Our God is HEALER

I could go on and on about the specifics of my healing process after the surgery, but I would be typing for days. The doctor used things like "i'm blown away at your healing" "you continue to amaze" "i've never seen anybody recover this quickly from something this serious" "i'm speechless at God's Healing, and I say that because I sure as heck can't heal, especially this quickly."

Thank you Jesus.

I'll close with this.

Wherever you are in your walk with Christ, He has you. He has a perfect plan for you. Your world may be crashing down in front of your but it's crashing to the Hands that hold the world.

Jesus is REAL, and He is alive.

Want to know how I know?

My recovery timeline was at first, 7 months, then one year, then two years.

Now, with tears in my eyes and love in my heart I say...

Biola, I'll see you next semester.


No comments:

Post a Comment